Monday, October 29, 2007

My ADD, my compass

A month ago, I went on a first and last dinner date with a guy I met here on the Internets. Our evening agenda was supposed to consist of grabbing a beer or two and chatting, which is my preferred, low-key way of getting to know a fella. At the last minute, he insisted on taking me to dinner, and so we supped at one of my favorite local Tex-Mex eateries.

As the guy and I exchanged the usual get-to-know-you small talk, I noticed myself tinkering with the tortilla chips and playing with the straw in my water glass. To someone else, I might have appeared nervous with my fidgeting. But really, I was bored, and playing with the table items kept me engaged. I couldn't relate to his delight in spending all of his vacation time with his parents at their beack house, and he certainly didn't endear himself with his little snarky comments about his ex-wife. So when we suggested that we head to a local watering hole for a nightcap, I told him that I was ready to call it a night.

Many folks who read this will likely think I didn't give the guy a chance. Some might want to regale me with tales of first dates with the love of their lives who didn't wow them on Date #1. Others might gently point out that a late thirties lady like myself should probably resist being so picky. Believe me, I've heard these things before.

One thing I've realized in learning to manage my ADD is to trust my gut more. We ADDers are an intuitive lot. But sometimes, the chaos and disarray in our heads makes us ignore our intuition and either go against our gut feelings or seek advice from a third (or fourth or fifth) party. Often, we take the advice of others or buck our intuition and then feel frustrated by the results. In my case, I often sought advice from friends who were married or in long term relationships, because they obviously were successful in the love game, right? Never mind that many of them haven't been on a date since the before the Soviet Union broke up!

Thanks to my rockstar of a coach, I've learned to trust my intuitive compass much more. Doing so has curbed those opposing viewpoint thoughts that bubble up in situations that don't seem to be working for me. So instead of tolerating situations that I know don't work for me, I've learned to cut my losses.

So, the hunt continues for the future Mr. ADD-Libber. I don't know yet who he is, but I do know who he isn't.

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