Tuesday, March 6, 2012

What are you waiting for?

I suppose you could read that subject line as either figurative or literal. And really, both are important questions. But for the purposes of this prose, I'm referring to the literal. That's because it's currently driving me mad.

A few weeks ago, I learned of a possible new job opportunity that's awesome. However, should it really materialize, it would not happen for at least several months. Do understand that I'm gainfully employed and fairly content, too, although the part of me that's discontent is rabidly so. (And rest assured that I'm quite thankful for what I already have.) But this new thing would pretty much entail exactly what I would want if I could design ADD Libber's Dream Job.

And so, I wait.

The thing is, my ADD brain's wired to want what I want and want it NOW. My brain is that little kid in the restaurant who didn't finish his chicken fingers and, consequently, his parents are withholding his ice cream dessert. And what happens then? He screams and tearily rants about what he perceives as utter injustice, even though he doesn't yet know what injustice means.

Now because behaving like that little kid isn't socially acceptable for an adult, not to mention quite unbecoming, I do something totally different: I obsess. A lot. I'd say it's probably my most avid pastime. It's sometimes therapeutic, but certainly not always. In fact, it goes in stages a bit like this:

1) elation - this is the immediate reaction, which goes along the lines of thinking "this is the best day EVER," and looping it through my head a good 500,000 times.

2) fantasy future - this is probably the most enjoyable part, in which I muse about what it'll be like once the object of my obsession comes true. The future is pretty much shiny and perfect.

3) irrational reality check - after repeating step two for a ridiculously long time, I regain my bearings in the present moment and tell myself to chill out. But instead of getting all zen about stuff, I start looking for what I believe is the irrational notion that said future plan is definitely going to fall through. That's not to say that I totally think negatively about it, but rather, I start to muse about how this fantasy situation might not be what I think it's cracked up to be.

Fortunately, my good pal B. has been an awesome ear throughout this mad thought process of mine. When I conjure up some of the thoughts that fall under step three, I call B. and she provides a rational reality check. B. is patient and rational about these things. And so when I mention that I sure hope that the person who offered me said opportunity doesn't forget that he did, she compels me to examine my nonexistent evidence for such a thought.

The worst part about waiting, though, is that we chew up time in our lives by thinking so much about moments that are far from the present ones. I hate that because that's mental energy best spent on other things. In the meantime, I decided that I need a few personal projects to carry me through this time (because what ADDer doesn't adore brand new projects? Certainly not this one!). I've started a new workout challenge with an online tracker, and I'm also trying to do something fun and a little bit special for myself each day, even if it's just a little lunchtime walk that's not one of my usual routes.

So yes, maybe I have replaced my giant obsession with a couple of smaller ones. But these take place in the present time, moments that require no waiting.

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Welcome, ADDitude readers!

If you linked here from the ADDitude article, thank you for stopping by!

And to update my previous post, I just discovered that the article's already on the ADDitude site, so here's a link to it.

I'm back in the saddle again!

Hey to all of you in blogland! Just wanted to let y'all know that I'm alive and well and happy. Three things to catch you up on:

1. I have at least a dozen, or maybe 20, half-finished blog posts that never made it on here. I found that I would start to write, realize my writing was getting to something therapeutic, figure out that thing, and then carry on without posting what I wrote. So, maybe I'll get some of that stuff up here and maybe I won't, but there are a few things that I have in the works, so get psyched for those.

2. And speaking of getting psyched, the good people at the terrific ADDitude Magazine are excerpting one of my old blog posts in an upcoming issue! I'm ridiculously flattered and honored that they're reprinting my words in hard copy.

3. Lastly, since my last hiatus, I discovered that there's another lady out there who started a blog called ADD-Libbing, but that's not me. It appears that she's blogging as ADDMom, but the only caretaking I currently do for another living thing is ensure that my 6 month old bamboo plant gets plenty of water to drink. I'm quite proud of it, actually; it's the first plant I've had in years that's remained alive this long!