We can be "Heroes"...

(note: if you've not yet seen season one of "Heroes" and want to avoid any potential minor spoilers, please skip this post!)

I recently started watching season one of "Heroes" and immediately became hooked. Thus far, I've watched about half a dozen episodes, so I'm still at the point where the heroes are realizing that they possess special powers. Discovering their powers bewilders the heroes. Furthermore, the heroes who share their knowledge with others fail to find understanding among the "normal" folk. So, even though the heroes can do cool stuff such as fly or regenerate parts of their own bodies or travel into the future, they feel abnormal. They only begin to appreciate their amazing abilities when they meet the other heroes.

Therein lies the reason why I love this show. This show has made me think a lot lately of my ADD "assets" as superpowers. Because my ADD wasn't diagnosed until adulthood, I can relate to feeling different than other people and not knowing why I can't be just like them and be able to pay attention, not blurt out what's on my mind, or space out at inappropriate times. True, ADD doesn't give me the ability to see tomorrow's newspaper for the lottery numbers and allow me to retire before I'm 40. However, ADD's given me the ability to think on my feet, which is a huge asset in my career. ADD helps me realize my true talents and abilities by letting me hyperfocus on them. And ADD plants creative ideas in my head like dandelions in a roadside field.

It's not been an easy road for me to view the positives with ADD. In some cases, it's been a lonely one, just as it's been for the heroes. I've felt misunderstood for a good portion of my life for not being a neatnik like the rest of the family. It's delayed promotions at work, caused sleep deficits, and even ended a friendship (though in retrospect, that may have been for the best). It wasn't until I finally started getting support - from close friends, my old therapist, my coach, and my drug doc - did I realize that I could view ADD as a positive.

New research actually proves the importance of support. Last week, the New York Times' health blog discussed a journal article on the perspectives of children with ADD. Not surprisingly, the article's titled "I Have Always Felt Different," and is based on interviews with college students who were diagnosed with ADD as children. One line in the conclusion certainly rang true for me: "A strong theme throughout these interviews was the value of being understood and supported."

I still have a lot more episodes of "Heroes" to enjoy, and I'm looking forward to seeing how the show unfolds. In the meantime, we folks with ADD should try to embrace the positives that the disorder provides. I certainly have a hard time doing this myself. But with the right support, our gifts can benefit the world, just like the heroes' gifts.

Dieting and ADD go together like drinking and driving

A new year has begun, which means that diet ballyhoo has reacquainted itself with the collective American conscience. You can't watch TV, read a newspaper or magazine, or even ride a bus without being reminded of the fact that January's arrived and it's time to shed all of the poundage gained over the last few indulgent months. And if you're me, you can't go to work without being reminded that willpower's in the house. Nothing exemplified this better today than seeing a colleague who once played football in school microwave an incredibly small bowl of vegetable soup for his lunch.

I want to lose weight, too. But I believe that dieting with ADD is a losing proposition. By dieting, I mean a fixed time period of counting calories/fat grams/protein servings/restricting the types of food that you eat.

And I say that because I know it first hand. I'm a three time Weight Watchers flunkie. Here's why dieting doesn't work:

• ADDers like to start things. Meaning, it's difficult for us to stick with a diet for the long haul. In addition to Weight Watchers, I've tried a number of other diets over the years. I immediately get excited about them and those first five pounds seem to melt away. And that's great if five pounds are all that you have to lose. Once the weight loss gets smaller week to week, it's easy to lose interest. Which leads us to...

• ADDers are highly creative. As a result, it's easy for folks with ADD to think of brilliant and clever ways to skirt our diets. When I attempted Weight Watchers' "Core Plan," which lets you eat unlimited amounts of certain foods and spend your "points" on other, nonbasic, foods, I figured out a number of ways to eat more without dipping into the "points." Often, these schemes involved sneaking canned pumpkin into fat free pudding. After a while, the diet becomes a game that you want to win. If your weight loss stalls, then why not win at outwitting the diet?

• ADDers like flexibility. No question, diets such as Weight Watchers allow you to adjust your eating so that you can fit in a special meal or other treat. But then your birthday or anniversary arrives, and you celebrate it at a non-chain restaurant that doesn't have the "point" totals for its meals or calorie counts available on the Internets. And then what happens? You feel guilty for enjoying a delicious meal because your weigh-in day's looming around the corner. Which brings us to...

• ADDers despise failure. OK, so does everybody else. But in my experience, and probably in the experiences of other folks with ADD, hearing that you yet again gained an ounce or didn't lose any weight over a week is an express train to feeling crappy. Especially when you feel like you really did try to do everything right over the week.

This last bullet really hits home for me. On my third foray into Weight Watchers, I joined at the same time as a woman named M. Both of us had 35 pounds to lose. M. lost all of her pounds within 3 months. I remained a Weight Watchers member for about 10 months, and only lost about 10 or 15 pounds. Every week at the meeting, the leader lauded M. as a role model for success. In return, M. always sang the praises of Weight Watchers.

Over time, M. and the leader's mutual admiration society negatively affected my progress. Because I didn't lose weight as quickly as M., I felt discouraged. And I gained weight during my last few weeks as a member. After a while, the leader questioned whether I accurately counted my "points". Indeed, I did accurately count all my "points". However, I was now consuming far too many "points". I now ate to rebel. And I knew something had to change when I manage to lock myself out of my hotel room on a work trip to Oklahoma during a frantic raid of the vending machine down the hall.

When I returned home, I started therapy and quit Weight Watchers. A few months later, I received my ADD diagnosis.

Since then, I've generally maintained the same weight. However, this weight maintenance represents a maintenance of a 40 pound weight loss that slowly happened over time. As I wrote above, I still have more weight that I want to lose. I try not to obsess about it, but I know that I still do from time to time. And for me, I know what it takes to lose weight:

• Get enough rest. There's enough research out there that shows the effect of diminished sleep on weight gain. But I don't need the New England Journal of Medicine to prove it to me. When I don't get enough sleep for a day or two, my belly sticks out the next day. When I don't get enough sleep for a week, the scale climbs. And it doesn't help that I compensate for rest with caffeine and sugar.

• Roughage, baby! The five fruits and vegetables our government recommends that we eat daily really represents a minimum. All of those antioxidants do a body good. And you're less likely to snarf a party sized bag of Cool Ranch Doritos with a belly full of produce.

• Stay on the move. Modern society's made it easy for us to be lazy. We jockey for close parking spaces and email colleagues down the hall rather than get out of our chairs. On most days, I'd rather do a thousand other things than exercise. But when I get myself to the gym for a workout, I feel so much better afterward! And now, there's even more proof about why that good feeling is especially beneficial to folks with ADD.

• Eat something real. Weight Watchers messed me up good when it comes to eating real food. An ocean full of the pumpkin/pudding concoction cited above can't compare to the deliciousness of a serving of the pie made with the Libby's pumpkin recipe. And newsflash for you, Weight Watchers: mixing diet A&W and skim milk fails to approximate a root beer float. I've learned that I'm satisfied when I eat real, actual food, rather than some edible fabrication.

The key for me will be following my own advice. Readers, I shall keep you updated!

Scheming for a 2008 theme

Rather than create New Year's resolutions, my ADD coach advised me last week to devise a theme for the year. I liked the idea and mulled over a different idea for a theme every day. None of them stuck...until earlier today, into my head popped the winner:

Go Out and Get It!

Before I explain what...

Last week was hectic but enjoyable. A new short-term project at work, a night at the theater, a friend's birthday, and visits with other friends kept me happily occupied. Even 4 days of back-and-forths with my doctor's office and not getting to the gym didn't get me down. But one thing remained that frustrated me to no end.

My hair.

The kooky weather being what it is - 0 degrees one week, 60 degrees the next - as well as nosebleed-provoking dry air in my office have managed to suck all the moisture out of my hair. To rectify matters, I've tried a number of conditioners, creams, serums, and potions to transform the straw-like texture. Unfortunately, all of the hair goop had resulted in limp, greasy hair that remained strawlike. And when I got out of bed every morning, I looked like I hadn't washed my hair all week. Even after I washed it, the thought of my hair made me just cranky enough.

Yesterday, I decided that I should maybe try a new shampoo for a while. My normal shampoo is an extra-special one that oh so gently cleanses my hair with little sudsing that could upset the shape of my curls. I think it's made out of angels' tears or something like that. It has served me very well, and few hair products compel me to sing their praises. But right now, I needed something short of Dawn dishwashing liquid to get the grease out of my parched hair.

Fortunately, I had a trial size of a good shampoo on hand to rescue my hair. However, I didn't think to put it in the shower when I thought of the idea. But I did think of the other shampoo the minute the shower water streamed over my hair. Even though I already started showering, I couldn't bear to go another day with my case of the greasies. And into my head popped the mantra for 2008: Go Out and Get It. I shut off the shower, toweled off, and dug out the sample of shampoo.

Go Out and Get It is a perfect theme for me because I tend to hesitate and nay-say things that I really want to do. I get frustrated when an entire year goes by and I realize that I never did things I really wanted to do because I thought of far too many reasons why I shouldn't pursue them. This applies to small things, like visiting a new coffee shop, and larger endeavors, like running a 10K. I feel that I grow whenever I take risks, and feel that there are many more that I can take.

My theme has stuck in my head all day like a dull roar and has already served me well. This evening, I debated about going to the gym because the temperature had dropped and I wouldn't be able to work out too long before it closed. I kept thinking about "Go Out and Get It," and how I want to become more fit this year. And then I bundled up, and went out and got a 35 minute workout on the elliptical.

And my hair's behaving very well, too! The grease is gone, and it feels more like hair than straw. I'm excited to see how my theme will serve me during the year.

It's Christmas Eve. Forget the clock!

I've been a bit frustrated with myself this holiday season with completing all of my Christmas chores. As I previously wrote, I intended to have my cards out earlier. I also planned on getting my house decorated a couple of weeks ago. As I write this, packages of ornaments are strewn about my living room, with half of their contents hanging on the tree. A few gifts, which have sat on my couch for the past several days, also need to be wrapped. And because I just figured out which recipe I'm cooking for company tomorrow, I need to hit the supermarket.

I'm not too worried about any of this.

On Saturday, I received an email newsletter that I occasionally read. I decided to scroll through it, and one quote in it grabbed my attention:

"Forget the clock and take the compass. The direction you are headed is more important that the time it takes to get there."

Wow. I wrote the quote with a Sharpie on a bright blue Post-it and stuck it to my desk. The quote struck me because, when I finish something, I typically bemoan the fact that it took me so long to get it done. Take my cards, for example - they have arrived at their recipients, yet I still think I could have got them there earlier. But, hey, I finished them!

One of the notions I've worked on reframing this year is that life's not about crossing everything off from my to-do list. It takes me, and most folks with ADD, more time to do a lot of tasks. But bit by bit, I do feel like I'm accomplishing goals. This year, I feel that I've accomplished many great things, which I did on my own schedule. Doing things on your own terms is powerful!

The things that I want to get done for tomorrow will get done. I didn't finish them on December 20th or 12th, but it doesn't matter because Christmas is the 25th. Merry Christmas to all!

Christmas accomplishments!

I'm delighted to announce that I achieved my goal of getting my cards done. I spent about 15 minutes each morning before work writing, addressing, and stamping. The last batch went out on Wednesday, and will most likely reach their destinations before The Big Day. Sweet!

I had a change in plans with one card. Several weeks ago, I started addressing envelopes, including the one for M., a friend of mine. However, I learned recently that our friendship's not worth the 41 cents it'd take to mail the card. Fortunately, M's card went to a better recipient. I whited-out his address, wrote out the card to a wounded soldier, and sent it to the American Red Cross to be distributed at one of the nation's military hospitals. Fellow ADDers, if you have any extra cards left over (or if you never got yours in the mail!), here's a good use for them. Face it, come next year, you're not going to remember who you sent this year's card to, so you may as well mail 'em away and spread some holiday cheer to a soldier.

While I'm crowing about my cards, here's a few other things I'm proud of achieving this week:

• Surviving the employer's holiday party, which lasted 3 hours in the office and several hours at a nearby watering hole.
• I actually baked something for said party, and it came out fantastic.
• I finally dug out my fake tree. It's not yet decorated, but it's standing tall in my living room.
• I ordered my last few gifts and they've all arrived. This means that I don't have to risk getting the vapors by going in stores and standing in lines.

To me, how I feel in late December is what I imagine that mile 25 of a marathon feels like: I'm tired and want to get this thing (the year) over with. Add in all of the holiday hoo ha, and no wonder many of us feel like zombies going through the motions. Hang in there, everyone...we'll make it through!

Me vs. Christmas Cards

I just read on My ADD Blog that one ADDer's facing with the challenging task of the season that is getting out the holiday cards. With all of the steps required for dealing with the cards, it's no wonder that ADDers get overwhelmed by the task. This year, I've heard similar gripes about card management from a few non-ADDers. One of my most organized relatives wrote and addressed her cards, but realized that she forgot to buy stamps. And my friends R and C, who send out photo cards featuring their adorable daughter, can't decide what picture to choose.

I thought I had the card thing licked this year. I ordered my cards a month ago, and made my card list on my kickass Christmas card spreadsheet that I fashioned a couple of years ago. (On the list of things that I totally rock at doing, designing spreadsheets is definitely up there.) I bought my stamps on Thanksgiving Eve, and even started addressing the envelopes that night. This should be easy, eh?

Unfortunately, things didn't unfold the way I'd planned. I had a work trip right after Thanksgiving, then I had to finish a major project at work. I intended to work on the cards last Sunday, but that wasn't in the cards. Instead, I spent that day and the next coping with an icky but thankfully brief stomach flu. And since then, I've took it easy in order to have enough energy to make it to a birthday party and two Christmas parties.

When I got back tonight from one of the Christmas parties, I decided it's onward and upward for the cards. Equipped with the excellent Minute Timer, my spreadsheet, my Palm Pilot, and all of the card stuff, I set the timer for 15 minutes and plowed through a few of the cards. That's all I'm tackling tonight, though. Sunday's weather will likely keep me homebound tomorrow, so I'm aiming to do a couple more of these 15 minute spurts. I shall report back how it goes!

Good grief!

Yay, I'm back! It's been a month since the last time I typed here. While I was away from blogging, I...

• Flew a total of 6,777 miles and traveled to three cities
• Quit therapy after 2.5 years
• Bought my Christmas cards and actually started addressing them
• Finished the heavy lifting for a major project at work that started 2 years ago
• Baked a pumpkin pie for the first time (and there's a forthcoming post all about it!!)
• Put together a really great Secret Santa gift box
• Volunteered 8 hours of time to two worthy charities
• Hosted out-of-town relatives
• Attended a conference
• Got to play supermodel in a photography shoot
• Bought some sassy new glasses

And I'm sure there are other things I'm leaving out that I can't think of at the moment. Whew! No wonder I'm tired.

I wrote that list in order to inspire myself. Unfortunately, I've lately felt like Charlie Brown while my boss is Lucy holding the football. Just like the Peanuts TV special, November rolled around and I went to kick the hypothetical football. Sure enought, my boss pulled it away. As always, I think that it'll be different "next time". It never is. If only I had Snoopy and Woodstock cooking up some popcorn and toast for me!

I've started to make the scary step of looking for someone else to hold that football. Mentally, it's a tough step for me because, like like Charlie Brown did, I feel like I'm going to go to the slick Christmas tree farm and end up with the twig that can't hold up even one ornament.

I know why I feel so down about the job search. I've worked for my employer for a long time and have grown accustomed to not receiving praise and positive feedback. In what I partly attribute to an "ADD mindset", I think that that praise and positive feedback would come if I worked harder or beat deadlines by a bigger cushion of time or leaped tall buildings in a single bound. But intellectually, I know it ain't going to happen.

The cure for my situation is the same as the cure for Charlie Brown's tree. All I need is a little love. We ADDers thrive on praise, largely because we get accustomed to hearing what's wrong with us. And when I get used to hearing such criticism, I tend to feel like there's no way out of the situation that I'm in.

It's taken me a while to acknowledge that, indeed, there's some employer out there who will hold the football for me and let me kick it soaring clear through the goal posts. But first, I need to put on some eyeblack and cleats, then get myself onto the gridiron. I'm ready for some football!